I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
