Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
