Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
