i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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