I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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