you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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