I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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