He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
