i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
