things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
