If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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