He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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