Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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