this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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