That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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