dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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