i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
