our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
