if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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