Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
