Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
