He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
