Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
