Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
