he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
