WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
God, I missed his penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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