on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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