he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
