dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
