Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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