kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
