wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
