Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
