He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
