I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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