You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can't special order awesome
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
