Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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