Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
