Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
