halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
