Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
