I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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