I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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