I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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