why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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