I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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