john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
