He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
