do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
