my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
