just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
