I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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