Having a random hookup so left but love u
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
