i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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