youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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