half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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