At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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