So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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