we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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