Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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