I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
