So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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