I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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