I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
