dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
