i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
