2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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