you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
