Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
